Believe

Things have been shaping up the past few months. If you haven’t already heard, rowing for me has come to a standstill. Or should I say pretty much a done deal. After months of email clarifications as well as the lack of it, I guess it’s about time to spill the beans on the entire situation.

After the SEA Games in Nov of 2011, I received an email informing me that, and I quote:

“with respect to the ‘selection of national athlete’, please fall back to your respective clubs. Your club administrators will ensure that your training needs and SSC needs are met. Information about your training requirements, SRA targets, selection invitations and staging dates will be disseminated to your club administrators by SRA.”

For the purpose of background information, for SEA Games selections, I fell under a rowing club which was then run by a volunteer coach. Now that he is no longer involved, I was informed that the club has merged with another. Which leaves just 2 rowing clubs in Singapore. I proceeded to seek membership at the merged RC, only to be rejected by this email response:

“As mentioned by you earlier this year, the coaches in Singapore have got no quality and cannot commit to your “high performance”. I am coaching only happy “amateur athletes” who train despite limitations that our small humble club has. ”

“My club policy is that athletes will only get staged with my recommendation. Ordinary members will not get recommended to be staged. I cannot and will not recommend someone who will train alone and without my supervision. Ultimately, all my athletes have understood their expectations since early this year and respect any decision I make for them.”
“As for now, i cannot fulfil your training needs and I hope everything goes well with roozaimy’s barrage contact.”

I proceeded to contact the other RC, which is predominately catered for social and recreational rowing, if the club would nominate members for national selection and what the club criterias are. This was the email response:

Things have been moving forward, but certainly not without some speed bumps. I feel it’s now in a crucial phase. Clearing red tape and resistance is something I am used to tackling. But what surprises me the most is how often it comes up, in a same setting but different scenario. Passion is a word used too lightly by so many here. And it’s those same people who are the cause of the resistance. It’s a lot similar to when I first started out. But this time, I have a capable and committed team to back me up. And that can be the difference.

Pretty quiet on all fronts the past week. That’s what a viral fever does I suppose. Managed to pin point the cause of it, and it’s something new to add to my bag of lessons learnt. Asian Cycling Championships are ongoing and the mens road race is probably underway. The boys will be giving it some big ones!

Spending significantly more time on the bike now, the Road ID is a worthwhile investment. You will never know who might be behind the wheel.

Here’s a coupon for $1 off any Road ID purcahse. Valid until 23 Feb 2012.

Coupon Number: ThanksWaiMun11396012

Checkout the website. It’s got detailed guides on what information you should include on your tag. I found it really useful

Had my first ever lab test on the bike last Thursday. The standard step and ramp test. Decent numbers, but definitely not fantastic. We’ll probably be sorting out a wing gate some time soon. I always get nervous before a test. It’s just a constant flow of questions from as simple as: have I done enough training? Have I been doing the right training? Will I be able to meet the mark? That’s just one of the many things I love about racing. It’s just you against time. You against yourself. Even though i get butterflies, I thrive on that nervous tension. It’s also one of things that keeps me motivated. More on that another time.

Here’s a really funny video a mate was tweeting about. If you’re tired of all the free Starhub channels, check this one out.

Public holidays are always a great time for riding. Significantly less traffic, but it doesn’t necessarily means it’s safer. Plenty of familiar faces on the road which is always pleasing to see. Hope everyone’s enjoying the start to the year of the Dragon.

Hope that everyone is having a good start to a brand new year, getting started at all those resolutions and things we want to achieve. I personally had hoped that I would have either some good news or bad news to think about, but since the last month of 2011, it’s been relatively status quo. The worst situation for an athlete is to not having that identity. A good example would be one who has unfortunately picked up an injury in the midst of the season. Not being able to do what he/she does best in the field, managing all that uncertainty is always a huge challenge. The support structure now plays a huge role in whether he/she will get to recover in time for that big game, is he/she still on track to meeting his/her targets? Is it the end of the line? Maybe a cross-over? What are the options that are available? But without the necessary support, guidance and assurance, will those options will just become more problems.

A few whom I have spoke with have not been able to provide me with the guidance and answers I desperately need. Not to mention those who have refused to avoid my questions. Because the support structure in Singapore sports in clearly filled with gaps, and plenty of them, there is no one channel which an athlete can go through to get the answers. I’ve always said that everywhere I train, there is always something to learn. Simply because I have had to do everything on my own. But even in a situation like this, I have had to approach various people, all of whom can’t provide any form of structured pathway because all are separate working entities. I have probably chose to do sport in the wrong country.

But one thing is for sure, I’m almost back to full form. Plenty of hours and kms on the bike plus a couple of run sessions each week. I’ll be waiting to see who rocks up for national rowing selections. As some of you may know, I’m currently not allowed to use any boats in the sheds. But one thing they can’t take away from me, my discipline and determination. Just two of the things that help make me the athlete none of their spoon-fed babies will ever be able to match up to.

I have to apologise for the lack of updates. There has just been a continuous flow of thoughts and emotions going through my head that I can’t seem to pen them down fast enough. These thoughts and emotions are of course triggered by a chain of events that have happen. And quite unfortunately, most of them aren’t exactly good news.

It is this  sense of uncertainty in my life that is really a pain in the butt. But one thing is almost certain, my journey as a rower is about to come to an abrupt and unfortunate end. Though unfulfilled and plagued by favoutism (of course not in my favour), short-sighted, egoistic, power hungry administration, it was still a blast! The amazing people I have met around the world, the amazing athletes that I have been fortunate enough to train with, the excellent support staff that went beyond the call of duty, the people who believed in my Olympic dream. Yes, it saddens me to have to accept that it might just stay a dream.

On the brighter side of things, disappointment has always been a driving factor to pick myself up. A huge chunk of my athletic career I have had to play the underdog. It has its positives, but not having a balance might have been a cause of my lack of achievements as well. In the midst of planning and negotiations are a few new exciting prospects and opportunities. Nothing concrete yet. Which is the reason behind my constant blank look and lack of excitement for the festive holidays. That and of course a literally almost empty piggie bank.

More to be revealed as hopefully after the holidays, the pieces can start to be put in place. In the meantime, I suppose it’s probably worthwhile kicking back to a beer, enjoy the company of good mates and enjoy what is left of 2011. Hope everyone had a wonderful christmas and an even smashing New Year!

I received a pleasant email a few days ago from an international exchange student who was here in Singapore a year ago. Back then he contacted me before coming to Singapore to find out about the rowing scene and hoped to carry on with his rowing while he was in Singapore. He isn’t the first person who did their student exchange program in Singapore to have contacted me. I enjoy learning and sharing experiences with people from around the world and if the experience comes with rowing, all the more better. It certainly made my day when I read about how he has taken his rowing up a level, competing at state and national uni championships with good results. Knowing that I can be part or simply help in any way towards someone’s strive for improvement and excellence brings me much joy. It’s paying it forward. And that’s the wonderful thing about sport. Maybe I can’t speak for other sports. But the wonderful thing about rowing is that it transcends all boundaries.

My rowing and approach to sport is significantly influenced by all the amazing athletes and coaches from around the world, whom I have been fortunate enough to work/train with. One thing I realised about the environment here is, if you’re not a medal winner, you’re pretty much taken for granted. People don’t really want to hear what you have to say. Fair enough, everyone has different standards. For me, if the opportunity arises or if there’s someone who wants to share and learn, I want to be able to help improve someone else’s life

Apologies for the missing updates during the Games. Things just spiraled along the way and it left me in sorts throughout the Games. I tried hard to narrow my focus on what matters. Even though i didn’t bring back any silverware, there are plenty of lessons to take back, on and off the water. It took me a few days to gather my thoughts and look back at what happened. Not the best of memories, but it’s certainly a part of my rowing that I have to revisit if I want to move forward.

There is always something to learn at a regatta. The first couple of days after my finals, my thoughts were filled with negativity, about what went wrong. And trust me, there are plenty of things that did. Poor administrative decision making, people falling ill which to me is a display of irresponsibility, especially when I made the decision to go for the crew boat. It really didn’t feel much different from when I went to the Asian Games on my own. And like in Guangzhou, I really only had the support of my coach. The list goes on.

But I always step back to take a look at what I could have done better. Maybe I could have been proactively more inclusive. But I reckon that eventually would have been worst for my emotional state of mind because I found myself gradually becoming softer over the past 2 months. Technically speaking 2 races with an hour between should been manageable, with only a couple of seconds difference in boat speed. So maybe I haven’t been pushing myself hard enough.

The whole regatta, the finals day especially has really took a toll on my confidence and have put many tough questions into my head. I am certain that there is much more speed. The fact that every single campaign has been plagued by something along the way means I never had the chance to train and perform to my best potential. And I think that bugs me the most. In an environment or structure (or should I say lack of) which I am in, to me, it doesn’t mean much to wear the Red and White because looking at past selections, it seems like you don’t have to be the best to get selected. I want to be the best athlete that I can ever become, reach my fullest potential and perform at the level. The biggest question I have to ask myself is that: Given the circumstances, will I be able to be the best I can become? Or should I make my own destiny?