Apologies for the missing updates during the Games. Things just spiraled along the way and it left me in sorts throughout the Games. I tried hard to narrow my focus on what matters. Even though i didn’t bring back any silverware, there are plenty of lessons to take back, on and off the water. It took me a few days to gather my thoughts and look back at what happened. Not the best of memories, but it’s certainly a part of my rowing that I have to revisit if I want to move forward.
There is always something to learn at a regatta. The first couple of days after my finals, my thoughts were filled with negativity, about what went wrong. And trust me, there are plenty of things that did. Poor administrative decision making, people falling ill which to me is a display of irresponsibility, especially when I made the decision to go for the crew boat. It really didn’t feel much different from when I went to the Asian Games on my own. And like in Guangzhou, I really only had the support of my coach. The list goes on.
But I always step back to take a look at what I could have done better. Maybe I could have been proactively more inclusive. But I reckon that eventually would have been worst for my emotional state of mind because I found myself gradually becoming softer over the past 2 months. Technically speaking 2 races with an hour between should been manageable, with only a couple of seconds difference in boat speed. So maybe I haven’t been pushing myself hard enough.
The whole regatta, the finals day especially has really took a toll on my confidence and have put many tough questions into my head. I am certain that there is much more speed. The fact that every single campaign has been plagued by something along the way means I never had the chance to train and perform to my best potential. And I think that bugs me the most. In an environment or structure (or should I say lack of) which I am in, to me, it doesn’t mean much to wear the Red and White because looking at past selections, it seems like you don’t have to be the best to get selected. I want to be the best athlete that I can ever become, reach my fullest potential and perform at the level. The biggest question I have to ask myself is that: Given the circumstances, will I be able to be the best I can become? Or should I make my own destiny?